Super Bowl LI (insert pun because my last name is Li) is this weekend and let me tell you how excited I am to watch the New England Patriots play in what feels like the 32nd Super Bowl during my brief existence. Now don’t get me wrong, I actually really like the city of Boston. Some of my best friends are from Boston and they are wonderful people!
I love eating suppa in the North End, hawt clam chowder1, wicked pissa lobsta rolls, and whatever this thing is. You also have to respect the organization for churning out 10+ wins and an AFC title like it’s shooting fish in a barrel2 and that’s due to the key personnel: Bill Belichick (wait didn’t he support Trump?), Robert Kraft (also Trump supporter), and Tom Brady (actually I read he supported Hill….pfttttt nope Trump supporter as well). No what actually bothers me about Boston is how entitled their fans are and how they will rain hellfire boobirds if the Pats are down 10-0 to the Buffalo Bills. Yes Pats fans will get upset about this team:
And yes that team with these fans:
1 I went through this weird phase where clam chowda was my go to late-night drunk food. I DO NOT recommend this. Eating dairy rich products while heavily intoxicated will destroy your stomach lining. Did I mention it was a weird phase in my life?
2 Tangent rant! I never understood the idiom “shooting fish in a barrel” to describe something as ridiculously easy. I think shooting a fish in a barrel would actually be extremely difficult because (1) the drag force of the water significantly slows down the speed of the bullet and (2) the light refraction will throw off our aim…wow haven’t had to use those terms since high school physics.
Anyways most Sundays do not actually revolve around football for me, because I am a Cleveland Browns fan1 and have been sentenced to Dante’s 27th circle of eternal quarterback hell.
For Browns fans, the NFL draft is a far more exciting event (since we always have a top 5 pick), but then that optimism is quickly extinguished and metamorphosizes into apathy and despair by the second preseason snap. Luckily there are other football related things to keep me entertained such as
fantasy football2 my gambling addiction and game day snacks like this Buffalo Chicken Dip!
1 At least we still have Lebron (again). Also hey, did you hear that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead? Let’s keep beating that dead joke. But let’s also watch this for the 19,523 time…
Okay now I’m in a better mood!
2 I lost in the finals of my high school league for the second year in a row (I will definitely find zero sympathy). Fuck you Chris and your luckyass team! Okay now back to being in an angry mood.
- Chicken Thighs (2 lbs Boneless and skinless)
- Yellow onion (1 medium)
- Garlic (4 cloves)
- Bay leaf (optional)
- Ricotta Cheese(1⁄2 lb)
- Sharp Cheddar (1⁄2 lb)
- Mozzarella (1 lb; preferably fresh)
- Franks Red Hot Sauce
- Spice mix (salt, pepper, paprika, onion powder)
Dice the yellow onion and mince 4 cloves of garlic. Cook the onions and garlic in a medium saucepan until the onions are soft and caramelized. Add water, salt, pepper, and 2 bay leaves.1 Lower the chicken thighs and cook for 45 minutes.
1 Hey congrats. You actually just made the base for French Onion soup. 2 for 1 recipe post woot woot!
Take the chicken thighs out and rest on a cutting board. Shred with forks, your hands, or miniature rakes and set aside.
Preheat the oven to 375°. Shred the sharp cheddar and fresh mozzarella. In a large mixing bowl, combine the ricotta cheese, sharp cheddar, and shredded chicken. Once the cheese and chicken are evenly mixed together, liberally add the Tobasco, Frank’s Hot Sauce, and spice mix.1
1 It will look like a really gross orange chicken salad. Don’t be taken aback.
Place the cheese and hot chicken mixture in a cast iron skillet (or baking tray) and top with shredded mozzarella. Place in the oven uncovered for 30-45 minutes. Find an activity to occupy 30-45 minutes.
CAREFULLY take the glorious bubbling hot pool of cholesterol magma out of the oven and rest for a few minutes.
Enjoy with your favorite chip. I recommend using Stacy’s Pita Chips or toasted baguette slices if you are feeling extra fancy. They are thick af and will give you maximum scoopage1 of the buffalo chicken dip. I’m all about snack efficiency2 and CAR (chips above replacement). I do not recommending using tortilla chips, because they will most likely break on contact. Those weak, porous chips simply cannot withstand the pressure as much as the Browns offensive line could withstand a 5 man blitz.
1 Not a word, but really should be. You get the point.
2 Adjusted on a DVOA basis. Obviously.
Make sure to devour before halftime, so your tears won’t make the dip or chips extra salty.